Of Maidens and Smelly Jackalopes
by ACOOLGUY
Summary: Set after the giant war. When Percy stumbles in the throne room and sees 13 Jackalopes, chaos ensues. Percy and Artemis have to fix the mistake that made the Olympians into Jackalopes, without getting them stuck forever. Will Percy and Artemis make it? Or will the Jackalope Olympians drive them crazy? Pertemis, Pothena, and more!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay guys, here's my new story. Just saying this story will be Pertemis. They're my favorite couple (except Percabeth). If you don't like it, don't read it. I may not be able to update every day, so update casual updates. Maybe once every week. Without further ado, I present, "Of Maidens and Smelly Jackalopes!"**

Percy walked to the Empire State Building, fiddling with the note in his hand.

Percy, Zeus has allowed us to bring our eldest children for the solstice meeting. Why don't you stop by for the meeting? There will be partying and food. Maybe you can even pick up a new girlfriend! Just come to the Empire State Building at 5 pm. See you there! - Poseidon

Girlfriends.

That word had spurred a lot of emotion in his head. He had caught Annabeth cheating on him with some arrogant Ares camper. Percy wasn't that mad at Annabeth, but he wasn't ready to get into another relationship.

Percy liked the change in his dad's behavior. Poseidon was always warm towards Percy, but he never invited him to Solstice Meetings and such.

"I guess he's changing and paying more attention to me," Percy said out loud.

Without even noticing it, he had arrived at Empire State Building. Chiron had let him go just this once because even though Poseidon had asked, it wasn't very wise to turn down a god's offer.

After the usual banter with the security guard about there being no such thing as Olympus, Percy realized he was getting late.

So, what did he do!

He decked the security guard as hard as he could and took the keys from his hand. He muttered his apologies and left a couple of Drachamas on the counter. He head for the elevator.

After listening to some terrible songs on the way up, Percy finally got out of the horrid elevator. His ADHD was killing him, and he wondered how he had survived in the confined cube for more than a minute. After getting his nerves under control, Percy strode towards the throne room.

Many dryads and nymphs offered him shiny swords and gleaming axes, but he just wanted to say hi to his dad.

Not wasting anytime, Percy walked into the throne room and prepared to bow to Lord Zeus. But what he saw shocked him.

There, in the middle of the throne room, were 13 Jackalopes sitting in a circle.

Percy's first reaction was, "Ahh, Jackalopes have eaten the Olympians! Run for your lives!" But when he looked closer, he realized something.

He laughed to himself.

'They look just like the Olympians, bickering with their arro- oh, they are the Olympians.'

He decided to announce his prescence to the Jackalopes. He knelt down in front of the tallest one, which had raven fur and electric blue eyes.

"Lord Zeus," Percy addressed to the wolf.

Zeus-Jackalope just nodded his head, and resumed growling at the others.

Percy just decided to wait.

After a minute or so, he couldn't hold it in.

"Just shut up will you!" he screamed at the Jackalopes.

Immediately, all the Jackalopes' heads snapped towards him and stared at him in shock, like they had never been spoke to like that before. Although, he noticed one of the jackalopes get up from the circle and sit down next to the hearth.

"Okay," said Percy calmly. " I know you guys are the Olympians, but do you want to tell me what happened to you?"

A jackalope with dark brown hair and storm-grey eyes, Athena, Percy guessed, walked forward. She used her nails to cut words into the stone floor. When she was done, Percy tried to read it, but his dyslexia didn't allow it.

"Okay, so, all I can make out is, Demis frak oot nd tumed s ito Jaxklps," Percy chose his words carefully, cause he did not want to piss of the Jackalope-Olympians.

If jackalopes could sigh, then he swore that Jackalope-Athena did. She decided to act it out for Percy.

3 hours later, a sweaty Jackalope-Athena collapsed onto the throne room floor.

"I get it now!" Percy exclaimed.

"Artemis lost control of her powers and turned all you guys into Jackalopes because of Apollo calling her the younger sibling!"

Jacklope-Athena's glare seemed to say, " Took you long enough."

Percy seemed excited.

"So, I can call you stuff like Jackalope-Athena and Jackalope-Zeus and things like that?"

The glare from 12 of the 13 Jackalopes told him otherwise.

"Okay, so we'll stick with Lord Zeus and Lady Athena. Anyways, where is Artemis?"

If wolves could shrug, then all of the Olympians did.

"Oh boy, finding a feminist maiden Olympian goddess that hunts all around the U.S. My favorite."

**So, what did you think? Was it good? Bad? Really Bad? Amazing? How about you review and tell me?**

**Another Author's note. I will not, I repeat, will not be continuing my other story, Son of Artemis. I had no long-term plot whatsoever, and that Idea was too cliche. If you want to complain, you can complain, but I am not going to change my mind about this.**

**Srijapto, signing off.**


	2. Seriously

Chapter 2

I would like to thank everyone that reviewed my first chapter. Looking back at it, I didn't think it was so great, but I guess it was better than I thought.

And so, my favorite review for Chapter 1, was from...

Potato Jam 7, whose review was, "Type your review here." That made me laugh, so I guess it was my favorite. Guys, and gals, as a favor, please leave some constructive criticism for me, instead of telling me to update. I'm okay with any review, but CC is most kindly appreciated. I'm sorry, guys, but I have a life outside of this computer.

Some guy shot me a PM to ask if I wanted to co~write the story with him. I took this into consideration, but I declined the offer. I want this to be my story, so don't ask to co~write this story with me. If I want one, I will ask. But if you want to be my beta, and I see that your stories have a healthy amount of what I want, shoot me a PM, and I might consider it. However I am very picky, stubborn, obnoxious and you need to be able to work when I want to work. WIthout further ado, I present, Chapter 2.

Seriously?

Percy Jackson stumbled into his cabin and looked around. What he saw shocked him.

His cabin was a mess.

Well, it was really no surprise, since 13 Jackalopes lived there with him, but still, he was horrified.

The floors were filled with newspapers and jackalope droppings, make~up, feathers, and a lot of other stuff that Percy didn't want to know about.

Not to mention the Jackalopes.

Zeus had jumped onto the ceiling fan and was arguing Hera, a brunette Jackalope. Hades was in a hole in the Poseidon cabin, growling at Demeter, who had found some fruit loops under Percy's bed.

Poseidon was chilling in the toilet, while glaring at Athena, who was snout deep in the book. Percy was confused. He didn't think he had any books in his cabin.

Dionysus was bouncing around the room, partying and having a good time. He obviously looked drunk, and Percy was starting to wonder if Zeus had kept his eye off of him for too long.

He turned to Ares and Aphrodite, who were making out in the center of the cabin. They were frenching it up, and Percy was utterly disgusted.

'Is that how Annabeth and I used to look' he thought. He hoped he didn't look like that while he was kissing.

Hephaestus had made a 10 by 10 inch laptop, and was now checking his ESPN bracket. Every once in a while, he would talk to Apollo, then he would rush back to his laptop and frantically type something in. Percy thought he was using Apollo's prophecies to predict the winner of March Madness.

Percy looked for Hermes all around, but he could not find him.

He heard the Twang, of an arrow, and heard it hit the ceiling. When he looked up, he saw the Jackalope~Hermes tied to the ceiling. His horns were studded with golden arrows, and he had a frightened look on his face.

He found the source of the arrow. It was Apollo, who had somehow managed to get a golden miniature bow just like his real one.

Some of the more level~headed ones, like Hestia and Athena were sitting in the corner. Hestia was trying to sleep (yet failing) and Athena was trying to read her book without getting killed by Apollo or Dionysus.

Finally, Percy started to get his senses and began lecturing them, yet again.

"Come on guys, seriously? Can't I go to breakfast and come back without my cabin being a mess? If your too loud, Chitin will hear you, and the secret will be out." All the Olympians, except Zeus, Hera, Hades, Ares, and Athena bowed their heads in shame.

"Now we're going to establish some ground rules. Number 1. There will be no weaponry and no fighting. You will keep to yourself."

"Number 2. No pee or poo in my cabin. I think dad will back me on this up too." To make his point, Poseidon glared at all the Olympians.

"Number 3. You will not leave the cabin unless I tell you to or there is a emergency. And being out of make-up is not an emergency." Percy swore he heard Aphrodite grimace and sigh after his statement.

"Number 4. You will do what I say when I say it. No questions asked. Understood?" Some did so reluctantly , but soon all the Olympians had nodded their heads in agreement.

"Now that that's down, whadda guys wanna do?"

Percy knew immediately that he should've not asked that question.

Right away, immediately the Olympians launched into a heated argument of what they wanted to do. However, Percy noticed Hestia get up and move toward the door. She winked at Percy, who nodded his head in encouragement. She immediately walked out of the door.

Percy knew that Hestia was just tending to the hearth - she wouldn't blow something up, unlike the other Olympians, who had some serious anger issues. I guess you got that from being an all powerful God.

Suddenly, A banging sound came from the door. All the Olympians ran into Percy's bathroom, and shut the door. However, he swore that only 11 moved in there.

He opened the door, hoping that it was not someone who would want to stay.

Of course, with his luck, that person just happened to be one of his best friends.

It was Grover.

"Hey Percy," greeted Nico, which was a big change for him. "Look what I found."

Percy stared in horror as he saw Grover show the animal he was showing.

It was a Jackalope.

Not any jackalope. This one had grey eyes, glasses, and dark brown hair.

Of course, this Jackalope had to be Athena.

"Grover, p-put that Ja-jackalope do-down," Percy said shakily.

"Why? Its so cute," Grover said while making its arms move, oblivious to the fact that it was Athena.

"Grover, that is lady Athena."

"Yeah, so it looks like Lady Athena, so what? What's next, the Olympians are in your bathroom?"

Grover didn't know how right he was.

Percy didn't know what to do, so he just grabbed Athena, shut the door, and ran into the Cabin.

Athena had to stand through a ten-minute lecture given from Percy about disobeying him, and the such. There was another knock at the door.

This time, it was Thalia and Nico.

Thalia was all beat, bloody, black and blue. Her clothes were torn, and her tiara was missing. Nico did not look much better.

"Help," was all they croaked, before falling down on the porch.

Okay, what did you think? Was it terrible, bad, okay, good, or amazing. Why don't you leave a review to answer my question? See you guys next time!

- Srijapto


	3. A Quest (Kind Of)

**Chapter 3**

**Hello friends! Cue giddy and creepy yet happy laugh.**

**Nice to see you again! More giddy and happy yet creepy laughing.**

**I'm sorry, I really am, I thought I would be able to update before the weekend; but, like most of the time; I was wrong.**

**So, I felt like I owed it to you guys for the great response I received.**

**Okay, I have written another story, called Vigilante. However, both of these worlds are completely different, and are not related to eachother in any way.**

**So, my favorite review was from someone named Kyuubi is Pimping, who said, "Artemis is Pmsing! OH GODS MALES RUN FOR OUR MANLY LIVES!" I genuinly laughed at that.**

**I would also like to thank Marxven3450 and Potato Jam 7, who took the time to actually write some constructive criticism instead of telling me to update or complimenting me. Don't get me wrong, I love all my readers, but I am an aspiring writer, and I would like to get better.**

**However, some meanie guest decided to demand me to do a different girl other than Artemis. Well guess what? If that guest can give me one good reason why his opinion is so valued that he can demand something from me, I will give 500 dollars to every person in the world. Luckily, that guest was probably an alien, so naturally he wouldn't get the money.**

**OK ranting is over.**

**I forgot to do this in the first couple chapters, so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I do not, could not, and will not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.**

**Without further ado, I present Chapter 3!**

Thalia shot up from the bed, grabbing the dagger from her belt, and held it in front of her instinctively, looking for the danger. When she found none, she layed back down and hugged her pillow. She laid there, relishing its softness. She frowned, noticing something wrong.

Her pillow had hugged her back.

She screamed and jumped off the bed.

There on the bed, was a shirtless Nico di Angelo.

She stifled a scream and felt her cheeks redden to the part where it would have made a tomato jealous. Sneaking out of the room quietly, she exited the door, and walked down the stairs.

She entered the lobby, and realized she was in the big house. She walked to the Pinochle Table, looking for Chiron.

She found Chiron, Percy and Grover playing cards on the table.

Percy's and Grover's eyes had big, black lumps under them, as if they hadn't slept in days. Percy had a cast on his arms, and Groverhad a cast on a legs.

"Thalia," Percy exclaimed, once he noticed that she was in the room. He hugged her, and was followed by a worried Chiron and Grover.

"Now Thalia. Tell us what happened to you and Nico." Chiron said.

"It was because of - Atlas. He has been removed from his curse."

"Then who is carrying the sky." Percy questioned, obviously not getting it.

"Lady Artemis is," Thalia said.

"Oh shit. This is not good. Very bad. Oh man." Percy started to freak out, pacing around the room.

Thalia looked at him weirdly.

"Why do you care so much about milady?" she asked akwardly.

"Not like that," he said, blushing and looking towards the ground. "I care about the fate of the world," he looked up with a determined face. "C'mon, let's wake up Nico. Then I'll show you why."

Thalia looked like she wanted to protest, but she held it in.

Percy ran up the stairs.

After what seemed like forever, they both came downstairs, chatting like brothers.

"What took you guys so long," Thalia questioned.

NIco blushed."Well, I'm kind of an, uh, heavy sleeper."

Thalia struggled to hold in a laugh, but a smirk did leap through. Nico scowled.

"Your lucky I lo - I mean, like you Thalia," he stammered.

Thalia and Percy, oblivious as always, didn't catch his mistake.

Percy's expression immediately sobered.

"You guys, I am about to show you the secret of the century." Thalia and Nico rolled their eyes. Percy always did exaggerate.

"No guys, I'm serious." he said with a stoic expression as they walked by the odd numbered cabins on their way to Cabin 3.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just show us," Nico dismissed, obviously not convinced.

However, Percy was dying on the inside.

'Should I tell them, should I not, should I tell them, should I not' he thought. It was an endless cycle in his head.

'I can't tell them; I don't want to risk their safety,' he finally decided in his head.

"Actually guys, it's nothing."

Thalia stopped, crossed her arms, and raised her eyebrows in a classic 'really' position.

"Don't give me that garbage Percy, you were all like serious two seconds ago, and now you're like all cheerful."

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you," Percy stammered, not wanting Thalia and Nico to get killed by angry jack-I mean gods.

Percy braced himself, and went in, bracing himself for the mess he was about to see.

He covered his eyes, and he when he peeked through his fingers, he was appalled.

There was nothing there.

"Da heck?" he questioned, searching for a hidden trapdoor, hoping that 12 angry jackalopes weren't about to pounce on him.

When he looked further into cabin, all he found was some makeup, a tiny laptop, the smell of wine, lightning, the ocean, dead people, and a bunch of other things he didn't want to go into.

"C'mon, where are they?" he muttered to himself, walking out of his cabin. Nico and Thalia walked out after, him, confused at what he was talking about.

Percy headed for the forest. Since he banned roughhousing, putting on makeup, binge drinking, videogame playing, and doing business in his cabin, the Olympians had found the forest very appealing. Especially, the clearing in front of the big deer dropping pi-or Zeus's Fist.

After a long walk from the Poseidon Cabin to Zeus's Fist, they were there. They had ran into a couple of bears in the forest, but they didn't even attack them. They seemed to be fleeing from Zeus's Fist.

Once they got there, they found a bunch of jackalopes doing crazy things. Athena and Hades were playing cards. Zeus and Poseidon were at it wrestling. Aphrodite was laying on the ground admiring Ares, who was showing off his muscles, and the rest were sleeping. Zeus lost the wrestling match and got pissed so he punched Hades in anger, who fell on Athena. Athena thought that Hades was trying to assault her, so she punched him back, who punched Ares who started punching all the others so a fight could start. Eventually they were all fighting and rolling on the ground trying to get at each other.

Percy was kind of amused, but eventually decided to put it to an end. "Stop", he called out.

The Olympians didn't care and just kept fighting.

"They're so cute Percy," Thalia said with stars in her eyes.

"Yeah, they are really cute; where did'ja get them," Nico seconded. Percy and Thalia looked at him weirdly "What, just because I'm a son of Hades doesn't mean I am grumpy all the time," he grumbled.

Then Thalia tried. "Stop RIGHT NOW!", she yelled, with anger. The Olympians immediately stopped.

Percy felt kind of surprised and insulted at the same time. "Hey how come you didn't listen to me?" he asked.

None of the Olympians really cared to answer. Ares just stuck his jackalope tongue out at Percy.

Percy decided he had enough of this. He had to figure out how to get these stupid Olympians back to normal.

"So Artemis cursed you guys in anger right," he whispered, "After Apollo called her his little sister?"

They nodded.

"Well, Artemis is carrying the sky, right now," Percy exclaimed. "And you're here sitting and bickering, while Atlas is free!"

The Olympians were so surprised about Artemis that Zeus peed on the spot. Athena had her head on the ground. Apollo was hitting his head with his foot. Their faces begged to know why. Percy didn't know the answer so he turned to Thalia to speak.

However, Thalia got back into her rebel position.

"Percy, what is going on now? But talking to jackalopes? Only Artemis can make them and speak with them! Well, half of the jackalope population is human male, but what is going on?"

"Uh, Thalia, uh, nothing, I, uh, found these Jackalopes in the wi-"

"Cut the garbage Percy, what are you hiding?" Thalia demanded.

"Nothing," Percy whimpered out, obviously scared of Thalia's electrifying blue eyes.

"Percy, we aren't dumb, just tell us!" Nico seconded.

Percy slumped. "Fine, these Jackalopes, are the Olympians."

Silence.

However, it was short lived, because Nico and Thalia were rolling around on the floor, and laughing like crazy. The Olympians looked at them weird.

"Seriously, guys, I'm not lying! I swear on the river Styx!" Percy protested.

Immediately, Thalia shot up from the ground, and said, "You're kidding me Percy! Even though those Jackalopes may look like the Olympians and have the same personalities, they couldn't possibly be the Olympians!" Thalia was panicking, knowing that Percy was right but refusing to accept it.

"It's true, Thalia, these little guys are the Olympians." Percy said weakly.

Thalia just stood there, her jaw metaphorically hitting the floor.

Thalia was unresponsive. Then out of the blue, she slapped Percy so hard, that Chiron back had probably heard it.

She continued by kicking Percy in the face and then punching him in the stomach repeatedly.

When she finished, Percy was a mess. His nose was running with blood.

"HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS!" she screamed at him.

"If Artemis doesn't turn them back in a month's time, they will be stuck like that forever!" she screamed yet again.

Somehow, Percy couldn't stop the words/.

"Eternity with the Jackalope Olympians - no, I would never, ever, spend my whole lifetime with them living in my cabin.

"You don't understand, do you? The Olympians are now mortal! If they die, who will protect us from Typhon? Who would sire demigods to fight monsters? Who would control the weather and the mist? You don't understand Percy, we need to save Artemis!"

Nico just looked onto this exchange with shock. Finally, he spoke up.

"Well what are we waiting for. Let's hit the road!" he said with a sarcastic tone and smile. "My favorite!"

"As much as I hate to admit it, you're right, we gotta go." Thalia agreed.

"Wait a second guys," said Percy.

He went over to where the Olympians sat in a line and started to talk to them.

All Thalia could hear was something about a quest, Artemis, and coming.

Finally he was done.

He came back with Apollo, Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Hephaestus, Hera, Aphrodite, Demeter and Athena.

"Meet our new quest mates guys," Percy announced cheerfully.

"What about the others?" Nico questioned, obviously not trusting the rest of the Olympians to keep themselves in line.

"I think Hestia is perfectly suitable for the job," Percy answered.

From the forest, Hestia emerged, with a poker held by her horns. Dionysus snorted, obviously hating the idea of Hestia taking care of them. However, Hestia caught the snort, and poked Dionysus with the poker.

It really was a funny sight.

"I guess we're off then," Percy said with a sort of dignity in his voice.

"Aren't you forgetting something," said Thalia with a smirk on her face.

Percy's face was a mix of confusion and surprise, and then a look of understanding.

He rushed back into the forest, probably heading for his cabin or the big house,

Thalia sat on a rock, thinking about how she got here.

_Flashback_

Thalia, Artemis and the hunters were at their campsite, enjoying some bear meat after a long and hard day.

Their hunt had gone well.

The hunters sat around, laughing, telling jokes, and just having a good time. Artemis and Thalia talked casually.

Suddenly, there was a horn in the distance.

All the hunters' heads shot up.

The horn sounded again.

Thalia paled considerably. Only one monster had a horn like that.

The minotaur emerged from the shadows, wearing gold and red blood stained armor.

Thalia hated monsters, but she had to admit, she would kill for regal armor like the minotaur.

The thing was a beauty (not the minotaur, the armor). The entire top half and breast plate was shiny gold, with a blood red outline on it. Even Apollo's chariot and Ares' swords could not match the colors on the armor.

Thalia would have kept staring, if not for the huge army that followed suit.

The hunters readied their bows, but any skilled fighter would have known that they were outnumbered and surrounded.

The battle went by in a blur.

Thalia only remembered picking off monsters, then whipping out her hunting knives to take care of some of them who had gotten closer. She then dropped her knives, so she could shoot another arrow at a hellhound that was an inch away from a fellow hunter's back. But they were horribly surrounded.

She heard the screams of Fiona, one of her friends. She whirled around, and when she let her guard down, she was hit over the head by a Laistrygonian giant.

The last thing she saw, was Artemis being cuffed by a strange man, who radiated power tenfold.

_Flashback Over_

**So, how was it? Was it good? Bad? Leave a review to answer this question. Another thing is that you should review to if you want Thalico in this story. The answer choices are a bit obvious: yes or no.**

**So, see you guys later, my fellow fanfictioneers.**


	4. AN

**I'm sorry guys that I haven't updated in a while. I'm sorry, but I just have too much homework, too much testing, and the lack of motivation to write. FOR NOW. I don't want this to be a repeat of Son of Artemis, so I am NOT discontinuing the stories. There is just too much pressure to write, and if I write rushed, I won't get anything done, and it will be terrible. They will be on HIATUS, not discontinued.**

**One more thing I would like to address: Reviewing.**

**I'm sure most of you like my stories, but if you don't review, I will not, I repeat will not write for you. I get you people get lazy sometimes, but everytime someone reads a story and doesn't review, one writer gets annoyed and depressed.**

**So please, next time I update, please, instead of favoriting and following, just leave a review.**

**Thank you, and I wish you a very nice morning/afternoon/evening.**


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